vinsnash,
I would create calculated fields on the Member BO and add a rule to count the rows on the Events BO. I am guessing that you have a relationship defined like the following
On MemberBO
MemberEvent of Type Event
on EventBO
MemberEvent of Type Member
IF MemberBO.MemberEvent WAS CHANGED THEN Member.NumMales=COUNT EventsBO WHERE (EventsBO IN MemberBO.MemberEvent)
I am not sure by your post whether you need to count MaleBerths and FemaleBerths separately, but if you did that you can append AND EventBO.Male='Yes' to the WHERE clause and of course you would need to add another calculated attribute to your MemberBO for tracking femaleberths as well as another rule where EventBO.Female='Yes'.
This rule should cover both the addition and deletion of EventBO rows.